Sunday, August 13, 2006

Liq ui fy (lik'we fi') v. 1. to cause to have a liquid quality 2. process of aging body going to hell, most pronounced in females following childbirth.

I ro ny (i'ren e) n. 3. a combination of circumstances or a result that is the opposite of what is expected or might be considered appropriate

cow ard ice (kou erd is) n. 1. lack of courage; esp., shamefully excessive fear of danger

My middle daughter's Girl Scout troop has an outing to Wild Waves planned for Tuesday. I agreed months ago to attend this outing with her. Keep in mind that I have every intention of fulfilling this promise. . . I even coerced my mother into coming up and watching her sisters while the two of us go.

So today A2 informs me that she wants to ride the roller coasters. "Great!" says I.
She explained, "I can't go unless you ride too mom."
cricket, cricket
I answered, "I can't A*****, because of my disease."
"Why can't people with M.S. go, Mom?"
My answer to her was, "It's not because of the M.S., it's because of coward-s ." (Afterall, one of those actually turns you upside down.)
"You're going to ride the water slides with me aren't you mom?" she asked next.
I replied, "Sure, just as long as I can wear shorts and not a bathing suit."
cricket, cricket
"Why don't you wear a bathing suit mom?"
"Because my body has liquified and doesn't stay where it's supposed to anymore."
"Why, mom?"
My reply "Because I am 39, have 3 children and no time for spas, exercise or even showers on some days."
A2, "You don't love me or you'd wear a bathing suit." I find irony in this statement considering her gestation, birth and breastfeeding contributed to 1/3 of the liquidation process.

The compromise: I will wear a bathing suit under my shorts and shirt. Said overclothes will be removed if, and only if, there are rules expressly forbidding them. I will go on the smaller water slides and any other ride that doesn't loop-the-loop or drop straight down. When I'm old I had better be put in a good home.


Blogger fitknit said...

Personally, I blame gravity for everything on my body heading south in a hurry.

8:45 PM  
Blogger ferg said...

I do not own a bathing suit or "cozzie" as they are affectionately called in Oz by all but me. That solves a lot of problems. But I do wear cowardice like a badge, specially when it comes to speed and somersaults.
Good Luck!
Cheers Gillian

11:34 PM  
Blogger trek said...


Reason why I don't so coasters anymore: motion sickness - try to put that one over on A2.

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Cindy said...

I agree, gravity is not our friend, neither is time. We're screwed no matter what. As for the fear issue. Oh my yes. I have been on one roller coaster and because of my inner ear almost passed out. Nearly humiliating, so nosirree you won't be seeing me on the coaster. My suggestion, get something to eat and then tell her your tummy is a bit upset.

1:17 PM  
Blogger marta said...

I've promised DD#1 and DD#2 we'll go here before school starts....which is next week. I sincerely hope you survived. I'm wondering if I will. I managed to dodge the bullet of going with AL and his entire clan, too, including La Diabla who, I'm sure, would have had a full liquified and gravity report for her ultra control freak, competitive mother. I'm hearing my mother's voice.."That which doesn't kill us..."

6:49 AM  
Anonymous JessaLu said...

OH I'll go! I lurve the coasters...but I won't wear a bathing suit...that's the deal breaker isn't it...

9:51 PM  

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